Ep. 141 - Joey and Daniella Pants - Crazy Is As Crazy Does

March 19, 2021

L:isa Birnbach, Daniella Pantoliano and Joe Pantoliano

My guests this week are my first father-daughter combo. Actor Joey Pantoliano, who you know from his work on Risky Business and The Goonies, to The Matrix, his Emmy-winning role as Ralphie in The Sopranos, and many many more. Today you’ll meet his 29 year old filmmaker daughter, Daniella. They have just begun their new podcast, called “No Kidding? Me Too!” which is their candid discussion about depression and other mental diseases in an attempt to destigmatize them. He has devoted a significant portion of his life to doing just that through his foundation, books, documentary, and now this.

Boy, time goes fast when you’re stuck indoors and not feeling very motivated, doesn’t it?

I am not morose or being serious, but all the same, I haven’t awakened in a while feeling great, to tell you the truth. I have so much on my mind – it occurs to me that my brain resembles my cluttered desk – and yes, I intend to straighten them both up.

There’s so much to be grateful for. So much. And yet I feel somewhat stuck. That is my own doing – no one has taped adhesive to me. As Cher said in Moonstruck, the only movie about Italian-Americans that Joey Pants wasn’t in, “Snap out of it!” And I shall.

But I just want to add my voice to the large chorus that is trying to find the best meaning and purpose in the gloom of the pandemic. We are not alone.

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Before I speak to the Pantses, here are my five things that make life better:

1. I got my second vaccine! Thank you underlying conditions! My side effects were principally headaches – or one enormous headache that lasted two days but hey, it’s better than having this pernicious disease.

2. A feeling of competence that has grown since last year when we were shut down. I have taught myself how to bake with occasionally magnificent results. I have improved my cooking skills. I can look at my pantry and make a tasty meal out of whatever I have at home. I know how to be a telemedicine patient. I’m taking care of my fella and our puppy, and doing okay.

3. The Biden/Harris administration, which is doing what it promised to do – make life better for us. They have propelled the vaccination program, and they are sending financial relief this week.

4. My ability to work with some of my #Exhibits™. Exhibit B and I are developing some projects together. How much fun would that be, I ask the Pantses…

5. My memory. It’s not as fine-tuned as it used to be, but it’s still quite serviceable. And combing through it is like an adventure – sometimes in daydreams, sometimes in conversations with my brothers. I can’t say my life has been dull.

JOE AND DANIELLA PANTOLIANO’S 5 THINGS

JOEY’S 5 (6) THINGS:
1. Came face to face with my traumatic past
2. Patient loved ones, who knew I was nuts way before I did
3. Winter & Spring
4. Thank god I found the pony...
5. Nancy
6. That I survived around long enough to give back.

Dani’s 5 Things:
1. My family
2. My dogs - especially my new puppy David
3. My closest friends and boyfriend.
4. Nature
5. Me

MORE ABOUT JOE AND DANIELLA PANTOLIANO

NO KIDDING? Me Too! Podcast

Instagram: @nkm2_podcast

Instagram @realjoeypants

Twitter @RealJoeyPants1

Facebook @realJoePantoliano

Facebook @daniella.pantoliano

Instagram @daniella.pantoliano.

The 5 Things That Make Life Better podcast is recorded and produced at The Field in NYC. My team is Shpresa Oruci, Michael Porte, Sam Haft and Boco Haft.The Field in NYC.

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Ep. 140 - Joyce Vance - She's not just a lawyer, she also plays one on TV

March 12, 2021

Welcome to you, and please welcome to my guest, Joyce White Vance!!

I don’t know which came first; my social media discovery of a smart, sensible, and eminently quotable former United States Attorney for the Northern District of Alabama Joyce Vance, or my discovering her as a legal analyst on MSNBC and NBC News. (It’s the age-old chicken and the egg question – MSNBC and Maddow or Maddow and MSNBC.) Once I saw her on tv, I noticed that I agreed with her tweets – and retweeted her like a madwoman. Joyce Vance co-hosts her own podcast, “#SistersInLaw” with fellow legal experts Jill Wine-Banks, Barb McQuade, and Kimberly Atkins, and they chew on the current issues of the day. I enjoyed talking to Joyce as a person who we think of as southern (she has lived in Alabama with her husband and family for over 30 years) but she is a native Los Angelena and was educated on the east coast. She raises chickens with her kids. She knits. (I saw an extraordinary Icelandic sweater she was working on.) She is also a professor at the University of Alabama School of Law.

Okay, what are we waiting for? Let’s get to Oprah, Meghan, and Harry. I didn’t care, I did care, and then I felt like to be part of this world made it mandatory viewing. And boy was it.

Having recently seen the episode of “The Crown” which showed the pre-marriage neglect of young Diana Spencer when she was engaged to Prince Charles, my eyes were open to the coldness of “the Firm” or the monarchy corporation. I understand that Meghan Markle had a lot of firsts bound in that would make her an outlier among the stodgy Windsor Mountbattens, and I appreciated their acceptance and what looked like embrace of Meghan at their wedding.

With Oprah I found her credible and beautifully spoken. I did not find her too perfect or rehearsed. I gasped when Oprah gasped. (I thought Oprah was very good; that the production was very good and simple, though I could have done without the digressions at the chicken shack.)

Meghan was the victim of a racist and snarky press. You may disagree with me, but you will not change my mind. That she was not allowed to leave the palace to see friends is believable and would make anyone feel controlled. That she had to surrender her keys and passport? That reinforces it. Controlled is one thing, but when she needed help – therapeutic medical support – that she was denied this makes for a bad situation indeed. I get it. I believe her depression was real.

Harry seems like a devoted husband and one with PTSD around the hounding and death of his mother. Good for both of them to admit that they were overwhelmed with anxiety of all kinds. So call me pro-Harry and Meghan. They gained freedom in this country where Black Lives Matter and where racism is woven into the country’s DNA but gave up so much to move here.

BUT BUT BUT. To me equally as interesting is the gigantic wave of people who were offended by Meghan and Harry. They found her phony, they have no pity for the Duchess, who they believe is much more canny and shrewd than she presented. When Meghan said she never researched what it means to be married to the Queen’s grandson – okay maybe that seemed disingenuous, but the comments on social media are passionately against her and for her – and on Facebook it seemed to pit friend against friend. Or at least “friend” vs. “friend.” Yikes!

All I’d like to know is how Meghan got better – telling us that might help the many viewers who suffer from depression – and I hope she takes care of herself mentally after she gives birth to her baby daughter.

Before you hear my conversation with Joyce Vance – here are my 5 Things that Make Life Better.

1. My mother’s caregivers. We’ve been through a lot this week, and they have been exemplary – patient and conscientious.

2. Skincare and skincare bonding. I never learned about skincare. I grew up sunbathing fiendishly – I loved having a tan; it was better than makeup. Whoops! It so happens my #Exhibits™ and my #ExhibitInLaw ™ are very smart about protecting their skin (all adherents to year-round sunscreen, etc.) and now that I’m forced to look at myself all day on Zooms I’m becoming slightly obsessed. During my hibernation I’ve become obsessed. I admit it! Shout out to #EveLom and Augustinus Bader.

3. Dr. Jill Biden for being a kind and empathetic first lady. She’s a real human lady too.

4. The tuna salad at Gentile’s Fine Food on Madison Ave. Long ago when I lived near this little but exquisite family-owned market, I was addicted to the tuna. (The first step is acknowledging there’s a problem.). Then I moved away and so did they. Their new shop is open (1118 Madison Ave.) where they make that wonderfully fine tuna salad. Yum

5. Pajamas. For years I was all about nightgowns. Now I just adore a fresh pair of cotton pjs. And this started before last year. I love them with short sleeves in the summer and long sleeves in the winter. TMI?

JOYCE VANCE’S 5 THINGS:

1. Swedish baked goods

2. Chickens

3. Zoom drinks with girlfriends

4. My German Shep, Bella

5. Family meals

MORE ABOUT JOYCE VANCE

#SISTERSINLAW podcast

https://politicon.podlink.to/sistersinlaw

Twitter: @JoyceWhiteVance

The 5 Things That Make Life Better podcast is recorded and produced at The Field in NYC. My team is Shpresa Oruci, Michael Porte, Sam Haft and Boco Haft.The Field in NYC.

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Ep. 139 - Mark Harris - On the Extraordinary Lives of Mike Nichols

March 5, 2021

My guest this week is Mark Harris, the very smart and stylish journalist who became Mike Nichols’ biographer. His new book, Mike Nichols, A Life has just been published by Penguin, and what a read it is. It is unputdownable if, like me, you love reading about the creative process of one of the great directors, whose collaborations started with Elaine May and then Buck Henry and went up to Natalie Portman and Andrew Garfield. Harris’ book takes you to Broadway and Hollywood from the 60s till 2014. And what a life that was. Mark is a writer for New York Magazine, who has written other books about film, Pictures at a Revolution: Five Movies and the Birth of the New Hollywood, and Five Came Back: A Story of Hollywood and the Second World War. He is married to Tony Kushner.

I have two things to say: the first is that at no time over the past weekend did I worry about what was brewing at the White House, and that felt fantastic. There is a grown-up in charge; in fact there are many grown-ups in positions of power and authority in Washington, and what a relief that is. But there is such a mantle of hypocrisy draped over the Congress – it’s truly demoralizing. Neera Tanden is “unapprovable” because of a few tweets she wrote during the terrible years of Trump, even though nothing she said was close to the poison said by Trump or Pompeo or McConnell or Jim Jordan, etc. etc. Lindsay Graham, probably the most pious hypocrite of them all, read her tweets aloud while he was questioning her. I know he never read Trump’s tweets aloud in the chamber. Come on. As Dana Milbank wrote in the Washington Post, “… after four years of excusing lies, racism, vulgarity, lawbreaking and self-dealing by the Trump administration, your idea of healing is to defeat Biden nominees for speaking the truth.”

To those addled and possibly disturbed people who have somehow fallen under the sway of the QAnon, I can only shrug and hope they regain their senses.

Also, this is the week in which we finally need to take our little puppy outdoors to go to the bathroom. That first pee, before 7 am is difficult. But I kind of like a routine, as I otherwise have none. Sheila is so excited by all the noise and other dogs and smells and people, and especially little bits of things she shouldn’t eat that the walk is a bit of a challenge, but the dog-walking world is mostly friendly and inviting. So here we are again.

But life with a dog is in no way as exciting as life with my #Exhibits ™, and I have to say I am missing mine. I’ve had a few great days with Exhibit C lately, which make my heart feel swollen with happiness. The ones in California I haven’t hugged or seen in person since September, and that is just too long. Luckily, I received my first shot of Moderna, and perhaps I will be able to see them before the summer.

Before we get to Mark Harris, here is my list of five things that make life better:

1. Our dog breeders, April and Sue. They kept us informed right after the litter was born, and we visited our dog to be several times before we took her home. If any of you want to get a cavapoo from a good family, let me know and I’ll hook you up.

2. Our dog trainer, Sam Schmidt. There is no way that two people who have never raised a puppy before (or even babies together in the 20th century) could manage this adventure without some expert guidance. (I have only adopted older dogs before now.) Sam is experienced, smart, calm, and fun. I look forward to her visits and feel immensely grateful to have her in our lives.

3. Bulgarian feta. Yes, feta cheese. I had always thought that Feta was Greek (it is, mostly) and that at its very best it came from Greece. Then I learned from ExhibitA and his then fiancée (now his wife and my daughter-in-law) that Bulgarian feta was where it’s at. It is slightly less sharp than Greek feta and it is less salty. I crumble it on top of salads and avocado toast, and am always happy when I have some in the fridge. I get mine from Zabar’s.

10383655_030221-cc-dolly-parton-gets-vaccinated-img.jpg

4. Dolly Parton, who in her giggly easy way got her Moderna vaccine on camera, chiding nay-sayers as cowards. She didn’t say that she helped finance their research. What a hero she is. (She replaced the lyric “Jolene” with “Vaccine”.)

5. “The Graduate”. With Mike Nichols on my mind, I revisited the first movie he ever directed. Written by Calder Winningham and Buck Henry, and starring newcomer Dustin Hoffman and Anne Bancroft, “The Graduate” gets at the feelings of isolation, directionlessness, and decadence in a sunlit Southern California world of plenty – plenty of drinks, plenty of free time, plenty of money, plenty of frustration. The love story that takes hold still takes ones breath away. The film holds up, but feels new each time I see it.

Mark Harris’s 5 Things:

1. The Library of America

2. The Criterion Channel

3. Sheet-pan cooking

4. Headspace (meditation website)

5. My Blu-ray player

More About Mark Harris

MIKE NICHOLS: A Life

By Mark Haris

Published by Penguin Press

Twitter: @MarkHarrisNYC

Facebook: @markharrisnyc.

The 5 Things That Make Life Better podcast is recorded and produced at The Field in NYC. My team is Shpresa Oruci, Michael Porte, Sam Haft and Boco Haft.The Field in NYC.

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Ep. 138 - Casey Schwartz - Attention, Focus, and Adderall

February 26, 2021

The writer Casey Schwartz is my guest this week with an examination of her addiction to Adderall, and most of all her addiction to being able to concentrate and focus. Her book is called Attention, A Love Story, and she covers a range of subjects including our diminishing attention spans, the many distractions we have, drugs as her generation’s answer to everything, and #MeToo.

I cannot even guess how many times I’ve had the discussion. You know the one I mean: have you gotten the vaccine, how are you going to get the vaccine, which website have you gone onto to get your vaccine, which one are you getting, they say you feel sick after your second shot, do your underlying conditions help push you up the list, etc.

It is the 2021 version of what’s wryly called “the organ concert” – in which people of a certain age rely on reporting on their various aches and conditions to make for a riveting conversation.

I don’t even know what to say, other than…. I’m a follower? We’ve been praying for an effective preventative to the deadly Coronavirus for a year, and the fact that we have one (or three) already is remarkable. I participate in these talks even sometimes without noticing. In our defense it’s this very thing that – when everyone has been inoculated – will help us to return to normal, whatever that will mean by the end of the year.

I fully intend to wear masks outside, and inside at stores, doctors’ offices, museums, and I imagine the theater when it comes back. Just thinking of the theater gets me excited.

Here are my five things that made my life better this week:

1. Airgami masks. In the world of mask couture, I have discovered the Airgami, which is engineered to be airtight. I love the way it fits. Your breathing feels more natural, and somehow the ear loops feel better as well. It doesn’t fog my glasses! I’m impressed with this mask. I can wear earrings with it! It was designed by a very clever friend of mine, while living in China. The Airgami has won awards. You should try it. https://www.airgami.life/

2. Spelling Bee twitter. For all of you who are similarly involved or obsessed with the word game Spelling Bee (part of the New York Times’ growing game group), I have found a large group of like-minded and often frustrated players. Now that we are not condemned to following a crazed president and his lemming-like cultists, we can exchange thoughts about words, spelling, and very unpolitical thoughts here. (It’s why Twitter is so much better since the banishment.)

3. Personalized stationery. You all know that I’m a letter writer. But I just ordered the most wonderful writing paper and cards from Terrapin Stationers. In the olden days a lot of people crossed out their names on their cards as a way to show intimacy – “you don’t need to see my full name; we are close friends”. I never did that because why slash the beautiful engraving that was the point of the papers? Anyway, I love having a box full of stationery. I imagine writing on all of it and using it up one day. https://www.terrapinstationers.com/

4 Parting my hair wherever I feel like it. I hear that only young women get to part their hair in the center, and boomers have been pushed to a side part. Says who? And why? I switch mine up all the time. I might not wear elephant bells again or short shorts in the city, but damn it, I will part my hair wherever I like.

5. Merrick Garland. I hope he will be our next Attorney General. We really haven’t had a proper attorney general since Loretta Lynch. Mr. Garland, our Supreme Court Justice manque, lost the right to serve on the highest court because of Mitch McConnell’s bully blocking. We will be fortunate to have him running the Department of Justice.

CASEY SCHWARTZ’S 5 (6) THINGS

1 TACOS

2. Watching my one year old take his first steps

3, My weighted blanket

4. Prospect Park (the only place I ever go)

5. My husband's ability to make me laugh no matter what. 6. Bonus: Heidi Cruz's leaked text chain.

MORE ABOUT CASEY SCHWARTZ

ATTENTION, A LOVE STORY

By Casey Schwartz

Published by Pantheon Books

Twitter: @CaseySchwartz

Instagram: @caseyschwartzy

Facebook: @casey.schwartz161

Website: www.CaseySchwartz.com

The 5 Things That Make Life Better podcast is recorded and produced at The Field in NYC. My team is Shpresa Oruci, Michael Porte, Sam Haft and Boco Haft.The Field in NYC.

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Ep. 137 - Norm Eisen - Impeachment Shmimpeachment

February 19, 2021

Norm Eisen, a man of many talents is my guest this week. You’ve seen him on tv quite a bit – He is a senior fellow at Brookings. He was our Ambassador to the Czech Republic. Norm, the “Ethics Czar” for the Obama administration was counsel to the Democrats on the Judiciary for Trump’s first impeachment, he is a CNN commentator, and co-founder of the bi-partisan Voter Protection Program. I needed to talk to him now, because this second impeachment’s results bummed me out. Norm is an optimist, and he did cheer me up. (And the lawsuits against Trump are starting to be filed.)

As I write this I’ve been trying to put myself in the shoes of Texans and other Americans who are dealing with the dramatic snowfall and have no heat or power. For us in the Northeast, snow – the kind we have – is either fun or a nuisance. It can strangle us -- I’ve lived through at least two snowpocalypses that shut life down for days – but we had heat and electricity. So I haven’t been in your boots, exactly. Being cold is worse than being hot in my opinion. I’m sending warm hugs and hoping you get power, shoveled out, and lots of hot soup. Here it is cold – in the 20s – but the sun is shining (or “blazing”, as my father used to say), and I am a sucker for the sun -- its warmth and its promise. It improves everything and of course melts the snow and ice.

“This world clean fails me; still I yearn.” Melville’s quote is apt again.

I’m watching the grey creep into my hairline and feeling that I’m stuck in amber. Where did the time go and what am I doing? To tell you the truth, the last 137 weeks have been purposeful and doing this podcast has been truly fun and at times exhilarating. When people say they’ve enjoyed it, tried something that was recommended, or felt they learned something they never knew about a well-known guest, I feel good; it validates all the work and time that believe it or not go into the podcast. However, after 137 weeks I’m thinking that with Joseph Biden in the White House we can begin to wind down. The podcast is not an income provider, and I want to move on. It may be a book or another podcast. Watch this space. But, stay with me for now. We have several great guests coming up and the end is near, not here.

But first, my five things that make life better.

1. My Uniqlo Heat-Tech pants. Do you know Uniqlo the giant Japanese retailer? They have patented something called “Heat Tech” which is a way to keep you warm in your clothes. They put it in long underwear, socks, tights, jackets, and now a pair of dressy looking wool looking trousers (can’t wear jeans every day.). They hang beautifully and they don’t feel like the material has been treated in any way. They are toasty. And when worn with long johns, they are epic.

2. My PupProtector™ Waterproof Throw Blanket from paw.com. After we noticed that Sheila was picking at the upholstery on our couch I did a frantic online search for something that would protect my furniture from the little nibbler. I found this. And I couldn’t be happier. (Now she can also visit us on top of the bed. Don’t tell.) Paw.com makes a lot of fake fur pet products.

3. The Brisket Sandwich at Orwasher’s Bakery. It comes with a pickle on a sourdough bagel. Toast it or not; it’s perfect either way. $9.00. (Orwasher’s is a heritage bread bakery in NYC. They are not really known yet for their sandwiches.)

4. A page on Facebook (which I’ve officially um abandoned), called “I Grew Up in Old Manhattan” that indulges in some serious nostalgia. When I was growing up in the 60s, the majority of married couples moved to the suburbs, and those families who stayed here knew one another or knew a friend of yours. This page is a kind of a digital scrapbook and serves as reminiscence porn for me. I do not, strangely, know the woman who started it and yet we probably were at the same places at the same time.

5. The Covid Industrial Complex. I keep forgetting how many people are engaged in trying to get everyone vaccinated and protected. It’s the scientists, the factory workers, the people who ship the stuff ice cold, the nurses, the administrators, doctors, people who check your credentials when you arrive at the vaccination site. I just got my first dose and everyone working there was scrupulous, clear, helpful, and cheerful. I had no long wait or discomfort. I appreciate everyone involved.

NORM EISEN’S 5 THINGS

1. My wife and daughter—they keep me from getting too full of myself which I sometimes might have a slight tendency towards

2. 7-11 robot barista, best $2.29 x-large latte in town. I write about this in the case for the American people

3. Rock Creek Park hiking paths, it’s like having a national Park in my backyard

4. TheRealReal.com, “whadda deal!” I just cycled through a generation of shirts and I found beautiful very lightly used ones here for between $20 and $30.

5. KN 95 mask

7-11 robot barista, best $2.29 x-large latte in town. I write about this in the case for the American people

MORE ABOUT NORM EISEN

A Case for the American People: The United States v. Donald J. Trump

By Norm Eisen

Twitter: @NormEisen

Voter Protection Program

Twitter: @Protect_Voters

Facebook: @VoterProtectionProgram

The 5 Things That Make Life Better podcast is recorded and produced at The Field in NYC. My team is Shpresa Oruci, Michael Porte, Sam Haft and Boco Haft.The Field in NYC.

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Ep. 136 - Chris Frantz - Psycho Killer - "Qu'est-ce que c'est?"

February 12, 2021

It hurts my ears, my head, my sinuses and my belly to hear Donald Trump’s voice in the recordings we’ve heard in his impeachment trial. It feels like our abuser has come back to haunt us.

I do believe however, that we need to see this process through. How can any parent teach his or her or their kid right from wrong without everyone having to experience the consequences of bad behavior? I think about this all the time. I heard my share of “how come Andrew didn’t get punished”?s when I was raising the #Exhibits ™, and I had to just confess that I was the stricter, meaner parent (compared to Andrew’s mother). In the end, I had nicer children, imho.

The impeachment managers from the house have done a superb job; they have presented the jury with a set of clear arguments for why Trump must be convicted. Anyone who votes to acquit is either just loyal to his/her party elders, or auditioning for a bigger piece of that base’s pie. Ick

But Wait! That’s not the only thing on my mind. Love is on my mind. Valentine’s Day is approaching (one of the trickier of the fake holidays), and I’ve read the most romantic book. It’s Chris Frantz’s memoir, Remain in Love.

I know that spilling the beans is more exciting when the beans are spoiled or filled with spurious gossip. But Chris’s book is about the enduring love affair he has with his wife, Tina Weymouth, who has partnered with him in both bands, and in life. Find a partner who regards you the way Chris idolizes Tina, I now say. And it’s about creating a new kind of music in the 1970s and 1980s with 3 classmates from RISD, (David Bryne went to this reknown art school too; Jerry Harrison was studying architecture at Harvard when he became a rock musician), touring the world with other bands, being swept up in the punk movement, and creative differences with a bandmate. Somehow it just all sounds wonderful.

Before you hear Chris Frantz, here is my list of 5 things that make my life better.

1. Representative Jamie Raskin, again. His brief, which he presented to the Senate on Tuesday, was eloquent and emotional. His love of this country is palpable. His words memorable.

2. This video, which my friend Paul sent me made me cry happy tears.

3. My mom got her second vaccine, for which I am more than grateful.

4. Meyer lemons. I just got some and they just seem so much more festive than regular old lemons. (Apologies to lemons.). They are more orange, sweeter, and seem to have fewer pits.

5. Shopping local. I’ve been talking about this with my #Exhibit B™. We’re trying to patronize the shops that aren’t Amazon that aren’t Apple, that aren’t franchises. They have one branch and are working like hell to stay in business. No matter whether they sell food or sculpture, it’s tough to expect people to buy things when they don’t need new clothes or anything else. I just bought a shirt from SALTVenice in Los Angeles, a favorite spot in Venice Beach located at 1114 Abbot Kinney Blvd., Venice, CA 90291 (310) 452-1154.

I’ll mention a local shop every week for the next several.

Chris Frantz’s 5 Things:

1 My two beagles, Poppy and Kiki,

2. Tropical Islands

3. Visiting Brittany in France

4. Sailing

5. Soul Music

More About Chris Frantz

REMAIN IN LOVE: Talking Heads ● Tom Tom Cl ub ● Tina

By Chris Frantz

Published by St. Martin’s Press

Twitter @ChrisFrantzTTC

Instagram @frantzchris

Facebook @ChrisFrantz

This podcast is sponsored by One Day University. Where you can watch live classes, or binge watch the the archives for an equivalent of a liberal arts education! To try it out FREE for a full month, sign up at our special link: OneDayU.com/Lisa There’s a new talk every day!

The 5 Things That Make Life Better podcast is recorded and produced at The Field in NYC. My team is Shpresa Oruci, Michael Porte, Sam Haft and Boco Haft.The Field in NYC.

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Ep. 135 - Mary Trump - Uncle Donald Trump: Not human like the rest of us.

February 4, 2021

It’s cold out, but the sun is shining, and that makes all the difference in the world. To me, light is both solace and promise, and so I can sit and write with equanimity and see some good in the world, even though George Soros never sent me my own light saber. (Bad joke. Mea culpa.)

I have long been interested in the disappearance of shame and embarrassment. Those emotions have plagued me my whole life, and though they’ve made me uncomfortable for decades, they have given me a strong sense of consequences and limits. They’ve gone away (I date it to the first Kardashian sex tape – whomever was doing something with someone in front of a camera and THEN whomever thought, “what a homerun for our brand!”)

So do something that causes a “level of discomfort”, and your body confirms it is iffy via blushing, sweating, stomach ache, or other reactions you’d rather not have. That’s how we learn.

In 2021, people do horrible and horribly embarrassing things and somehow let it slip off their shoulders without a thought. Too bad, I say. Let’s bring back a sense of shame and mortification. They worked well.

My guest this week is Mary Trump who grew up in a family that believed in humiliation but not security or affection. It only took about 20 emails, months of phone calls, and a DM, but in the end, I bring our conversation to you. I read her book Too Much and Not Enough cover to cover, and if you haven’t yet, it’s a good read. Like an updated Dickens novel in a way – Fred Sr. and Mary Trump were cruel and punishing. Mary L. Trump and her brother Fritz were treated like orphans.

But first and fast, here are my five things that make life better.

1. Being a grown up. I hate the slowing down that comes with age, but I love the authority it brings. I’m getting more comfortable being that person – who offers unsolicited and unwanted advice. I’m enjoying the tropes of “when I was a little girl,” and “let me tell you what New York was like…” but I’m that old fogey. And I’m getting comfortable with that. (See shame, above.)

2. Earl Grey tea. Because you can’t drink coffee all day. Or at least I shouldn’t.

3. My baby pillow. #ExhibitE (#ExhibitA’s wife) got me a squeezy pillow with a life sized picture of the baby. It feels like forever until I’ll see him again, and now I can squish this and get some low-rent oxytocin hormone, that’ll ameliorate how much I miss him.

4. Soup. I don’t know how one gets through a cold snap or a winter without it. Why would you even want to? Soup is everything, and stew is even more of everything. This week’s favorites are a peppery pea soup and a cream of roasted mushroom that reeks of butter.

5. My twitter idols are Margaret Sullivan (@sulliview) and Joyce Vance (@JoyceWhiteVance). The former is the media columnist at the Washington Post. I became aware of her when she was the Public Editor (kind of the readers’ ombudsman) of the New York Times. She digests the news and the way it is delivered to us, and helps us make sense of the chaos. Joyce Vance is a frequent commentator on MSNBC and NBC News. She is a former federal prosecutor who now teaches at the University of Alabama Law School. I find myself retweeting her more than anyone else.

Mary Trump’s 5 Things:

1. Her Daughter Avary

2. Art of all kinds

3. The Sea

4. Traveling

5. Her Pets.

More About Mary Trump:

TOO MUCH AND NEVER ENOUGH: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man

By Mary L. Trump, Ph.D.

Twitter: @MaryLTrump

The 5 Things That Make Life Better podcast is recorded and produced at The Field in NYC. My team is Shpresa Oruci, Michael Porte, Sam Haft and Boco Haft.The Field in NYC.

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Ep. 134 - Frank Figliuzzi - The Secret Code of the FBI

January 29, 2021

I can’t blame my failures or tardiness or forgetfulness on Trump anymore. And I’m glad. Since President Biden’s and Vice President Harris’ inauguration, I am much more forward-looking.

This is how I feel: Remember – if you can -- in the time before you had children, the biggest decision you and your spouse had was where to eat or if you should go to the movies on Friday or Saturday? That’s kind of how I feel. Biden’s victory makes me not have to focus on big decisions like moving to another country or something momentous and disrupting. I can stay home and be anything I want to be: a writer or a podcaster or a (slow) rapper or even well an FBI agent.

Just kidding about the FBI. The Federal Bureau of Investigation is as you know, one of the most elite assemblages of brave and patriotic men and women who have pledged their lives to keep the country free and honest. Today’s guest, Frank Figliuzzi who you know from his many appearances on tv, was an agent for 25 years, rising to the position of Assistant Director of the Counterintelligence Division. From reading his new book, The FBI Way: Inside the Code of Excellence I intuited that I could never have been a candidate for the FBI. For one thing, the gun. (A lot of candidates get cut from the program when it comes to handling a “sidepiece.).

Before our conversation, here are my five things that make life better:

1. I had some of our knives sharpened. We had the worst, dullest knives. My household has a mix of his and mine, and none of them are really up to the nightly cooking I do. So I finally – after 3 years of passing a hardware store that has a sign that they sharpen knives – took some knives over. They were sharpened in about 5 minutes and the change is dramatic. They are still not great chef’s knives or Japanese carbon whatevers, but they are much much improved. An inexpensive fix.

2. The Bernie memes. I’m mentioning them this week because they are still proliferating. The Bernie in “Seinfeld”, the Bernie in “Basic Instinct”, “Friends”, and the Polar Bear. They still make me laugh. And they somehow make Bernie Sanders more likeable.

3. Anthony Fauci. For taking care of us. For smiling again. For being respected by the new administration and relying on science not “alternative facts”.

4. Food52 videos. For a novice like me, they make everything look so easy, and everything is not easy. But I’ve made some dishes from the videos that are tasty. (Yesterday I tried to bake a chocolate cake – not from Food52. It came out ugly and smelling like popcorn. Baking is scary and not guaranteed to have a happy ending.)

5. Charms. I had the most wonderful charm bracelet for a long time. Here’s a photo. It disappeared more than 10 years ago, and I am heartbroken. But, charms are such a wonderful memento of one’s personal history. I made one for each of my female exhibits ™ as well. I still collect them intermittently, now to hang them around my neck on a chain. Each one tells a story.

APB: Looking for this charm bracelet or any parts thereof. Last seen on East End Avenue and 80th Street on the 12th floor on top of a bureau. Reward offered.

Frank Figliuzzi’s 5 (7) Things:

1. Code

2. Conservancy

3. Clarity

4. Consequences

5. Compassion

6. Credibility

7. Consistency

More About Frank Figliuzzi

THE FBI WAY: INSIDE THE BUREAU'S CODE OF EXCELLENCE

By Frank Figliuzzi

Published by Harper Collins/Custom House.

Twitter @FrankFigliuzzi1

The 5 Things That Make Life Better podcast is recorded and produced at The Field in NYC. My team is Shpresa Oruci, Michael Porte, Sam Haft and Boco Haft.The Field in NYC

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Ep. 133 - Lisa Birnbach - It's a very good day!

January 22, 2021

Good day my friends! Good day!

Though we’re far from settled in with our new non-fascist administration, it does feel like a good day. Very little has changed and yet so much has changed.

Right away I will warn you that I have no guest today. This will just be me using my own little platform. So if you want to skip it, go right ahead. You won’t hurt my feelings. But if you listen, and like it, please tell a friend. We need a bigger audience to survive.

We have a new president and vice president. I’m letting that sink in. We know that one of the signature features of this people-run democracy is its elections. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won their election decisively and fairly, though many Americans seem to not believe it. Their inauguration made me cry with relief. I was moved to see former presidents of both parties showing up for the peaceful transition of power. The peaceful transition of power – exactly that is a giant asset of our republic. I teared up seeing the Bushes greet the Obamas. Teared up! Instead of seeing George W. Bush as a dimwit president, I’m looking at a kind man who gets along with people on the other side. Listening to Democrat Amy Klobuchar share the emcee duties affably with Republican Sen. Roy Blunt made that point as well. Inauguration day was a long-awaited high point, and it didn’t disappoint. I cried, I laughed, I had all the feels.

Ironies abound. The many books that have been published about the 45th president are primarily read by the people who didn’t vote for him but still tried to understand him. The unproven accusations of voter fraud never materialized, no matter how many times he insisted they did. The riots they predicted, of course, were incited and enacted by Trump and his mob. They are the violence. They are the rage. They claim they love this country while vandalizing the Capitol. We had to abide by “alternative facts” for the last four years, and my head hurts from it. Yours might hurt too.

Five Things that Make Life Better was at first a personal exercise, a hedge against the bad news of each and every Trump Twitter-filled day. I needed it. I knew that this exercise worked, even though as a popular thing it gets watered down in the sometime soapy self-help universe. After a few weeks I regarded my five things practice as a personal writing assignment just for me. Then I posted it as a blog, and soon thanks to an available recording studio it grew into a podcast. In it I have dropped the curtain between my private and public selves, which is unfamiliar to me. You know about my #Exhibits ™, my mother, what I like to eat, and so on. It came together as things do, not planned, but kind of following an implicit course – a course that wasn’t sure what it would do once Trump and his posse were out of power.

For some of us, Trump was more than a rotten president. He was a constant threat; his practice was revenge, and it will take more than Inauguration Day to get over the worry that he caused us. But talking about him is something I will try to stop. Even if he doesn’t witness it, his dream – his oxygen is attention. I want to deprive him of that.

Conversations – of more than a few sanitized minutes – are the “art form” if you will of this podcast. We have so few meaningful conversations anymore. Even I use my phone more for texts than I do for talking. The technology has made me lazy. Twenty years ago I was a correspondent on CBS’ The Early Show, and I would push back every time I’d be told I had two and half or three minutes to devote to my week’s subject. “That’s double what you’d get on the Evening News,” was the consolation. The goal of this podcast has always been to learn something or several things from every guest about their work, and then learn something about them through their own list of 5 things. And those lists have been sometimes as illuminating as the discussions. I’ve discovered plays, books, foods, delivery services, and so much more from everyone. (I still haven’t bought a sous-vide, however.). You can look back on our website at lisabirnbach.com/welcome to check out everyone’s favorites.

So many writers, policy makers, and experts of all kinds. Everyone from Counter terrorist expert Malcolm Nance to novelist Meg Wolitzer. MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell and former Celebrity Apprentice staffer Noel Casler. Rabble rouser Molly Jong-Fast and comedian Jacqueline Novak. Actor Richard Kind and judicial editor Dahlia Lithwick. Fashion’s Tim Gunn and musician Peter Asher. Writer E. Jean Carroll and actress Jamie Lee Curtis. Filmmaker Alexandra Pelosi and Chef Kwame Onwoache. It’s been a full buffet, and I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

Here at headquarters, the Five Things team is organizing future guests – wonderful guests, and also mulling a change of direction, but honestly is also considering shutting down operations if the world allows.

For now, though, with hope and a little kumbaya, are my five things that make life better.

1. Inaugurating the 46th president Joe Biden and vice president Kamala Harris. After four agonizing years, we are so fortunate that the hunger for decency prevailed. In Joe Biden, kindness is feature, not a bug. The celebrations, both in the day and the night were proof that culture and the arts will be valued once again. And yes, I’m dazzled by youth poet laureate @theamandagorman.

2. Sheila, TNP (The new puppy – she hasn’t yet been designated an exhibit letter) loves classical music. Romantic, Classical, Baroque – she’s not too fussy. Whatever is playing on @WQXR.org is comforting to her. If I can intuit her favorites, I’ll let you know.

3. Speaking of Sheila, which we were, her favorite chew toy seems to be the baby Lambchop that squeaks in at least 4 places. When I saw it at Petco, my ok-boomer self knew I had to pay homage to all those years of Shari Lewis that I watched as a child. (Shari Lewis reappeared, older but no less perky when my exhibits were little couch potatoes too.). My brother Jon brought us the very same squeaky Lambchop toy to welcome our new pet. Do you think people who buy this obviously popular and inexpensive toy remember or even know about Lambchop, the comic foil on a little puppet show from the 1960s? Don’t answer that.

Congressman Jamie Raskin

4. Congressman Jamie Raskin of Maryland. As many of you know by now, Mr. Raskin lost his precious 25 year old son, Tommy to depression on the last day of 2020. Tommy was by all accounts a wonderful, passionate, activist, generous young man – a brilliant second year student at Harvard Law School. Tommy is survived by his parents, two sisters, and many beloved family members and friends. Not a week later, Congressman Raskin was co-leading the House of Representatives’ impeachment effort. Perhaps Speaker Pelosi thought the importance and immediacy of the effort would give Mr. Raskin a chance to do something for his son. He told Jake Tapper on CNN, I’m “not going to lose my son at the end of 2020 and lose my country and my republic in 2021".

5 . Manners. We still have them! Now that the sore loser is out of the way, let’s remember that we had decent manners before he arrived, and we didn’t forget them. We thank people who do something kind for us, and we ask for what we want. We don’t just take it. This business of snubbing the Bidens is so childish, so embarrassing. Isn’t he ashamed of himself? And those obnoxious children…. Okay, I’m stopping now, I swear. Enough.

The 5 Things That Make Life Better podcast is recorded and produced at The Field in NYC. My team is Shpresa Oruci, Michael Porte, Sam Haft and Boco Haft.The Field in NYC

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Ep. 132 - Paul Ollinger - From Start-up to Stand-up

January 15, 2021

In 1876 Herman Melville wrote, “This world clean fails me; still I yearn.” I had an English lit professor at Brown, Charles Nichols, who intoned those words every single time our class met. And that was in the soft 1970s, children. It sort of comes to me in a whisper frequently when the world seems to be going sideways. (I like it so much, I asked my friend Diana Weymar, the creator of @TinyPricksProject to embroider it for me. Here it is.)

It’s hard to wrap our heads around everything that is happening. The good that has occurred was only instigated by the Godawful actions of a corrupt and criminal administration. If Trump, et al had been somewhat less evil and craven, they well might have won themselves a second term. Yes, he got impeached again, but marauding, defacing, sacking, and ultimately murdering in our iconic Capitol will do that for you.

Gun-toting new Congresswoman Lauren Boebert needs to be relieved of her duties, her position, and her perks right this instant. How dare she give terrorists a map of the individual offices of her fellow congresspeople? Why did Coloradans elect her? The rest of us need a nap. And we are not going to get one. At least I’m not. Things are moving too quickly. You snooze, you lose.

Eight extremely long years ago, I watched with pleasure as Barack Obama and Joe Biden took their second oaths of office. Next Wednesday I will eagerly watch the next inauguration, which will have the smallest audience in modern times. Who cares? Can you believe that we had a president who argued over who had the biggest crowd for over a year? I want the four years refunded.

I met this week’s guest a few months ago, when I was a guest on his interesting and well-made podcast, Crazy Money. Paul Ollinger has reinvented his life at least half a dozen times by my count. He went from slacker to Dartmouth’s Amos Tuck School of Business where he joined the ranks of the shiny MBAs looking for riches. He worked at Yahoo and then was one of the first 250 employees of Facebook. After collecting his stock options and paying off his student debt, Paul left Northern California and moved to Georgia where he is now a stand up comic. Uh yeah.

Reinvention is a hot topic – made more so by the pandemic. And Paul’s funny. What else do you have to do today?

But first, my five things that made life better.

1. Impeachment 2.0. Just when it seems like government moves at an unbearably slow pace – pausing for wasteful recounts, and rethises and rethats, we watch the Democrats in the House race towards a second impeachment that occurred one week (1) after the riot in the Capitol. One week! That’s powerful. Even with all the obstructions set up by the other side, the deed was done. Now we must see what happens next in the Senate, while the new administration has to manage the distribution of COVID vaccines, Covid tests -- thousands of things to restore and improve.

2. Speaking of which, my dear 90 year old progenitor got her first shot this past week. I am so grateful that she could get it. (User’s note: This same elderly relative could not have booked or confirmed her own appointment, as she’s no longer using her computer. Until you can work the system with a telephone, please volunteer to help out your elderlies.)

3. Sheila the puppy seems to like me. She really likes me! And all for just 1/3 of a cup of kibble twice a day. (Now if only I could handle her crying when I leave her in the kitchen alone, we’d really be in business.).

4. Drive & Listen – my digital friend Ellen Angell Sholk (who started and runs the Five Things that Make Life Better fan page on Facebook) just posted this app discovery. It allows you to drive around cities all over the world – from Amsterdam to Zurich – for 20 or 30 minutes. A vicarious trip made better by its ability to pair itself with local radio. Now noticed that people weren’t wearing masks in these videos – they are not live, and were filmed a few years ago, but that only makes the escapism more pleasant. Drive & Listen is on Instagram.

5. Codenames the game. I am imagining you are all familiar with it? This is a game one plays online with a partner against another team of two. You download a code and then it’s kind of a spy game – a grown up digital version of Hasbro’s Guess Who?, the long time board game. Further, playing the game with our friends Fred & Chuck was like having a grown up playdate. It pushed away all our concerns for a full hour. That’s big! I mentioned it to one of my #exhibits who said it was old news. So am I.

Paul Ollinger

Paul Ollinger’s 5 Things:

1. Life Fitness Treadmill: Here's an example of you get what you pay for. A buddy of mine gave me his old treadmill. While it was free, it was also cheap and flimsy. When I upgraded to gym-caliber equipment, I started using it 10x more and I never worried about the thing falling apart under my non-trivial mass. It has been a key to sanity during quarantine (recall that I live in Atlanta where we have the square footage for home gyms, etc.)

2 5:00 a.m.: The time between 5:00 and 6:40 a.m. (when I wake the kids up) is the most peaceful and productive of the day. It is me, coffee, and ideas.

3. Brooklyn Brewery’s Special Effects Hoppy Amber: I'm doing Dry January, and this alcohol-free beer is by far the best one I've tried. It's got body, character, and Brooklyn Brewery took time to make the packaging as unique as their other products. It actually feels like you're drinking a real beer.

4. King’s Hawaiian Buns: lest you think I'm on a health kick, I'll confess to both enjoying these irresistible, sweet sensations and feeding them to my children. I used to drive by their plant on the 405 in Torrance, CA on the way to see my Toyota clients and their agency, Saatchi & Saatchi.

5. Runnin Down a Dream: Since March, I have watched this Tom Petty documentary (directed by Peter Bogdanovich) in whole or in part probably five times. It runs four hours, but I wish it was longer.

More About Paul Ollinger:

Twitter
@Paul_Ollinger

Instagram
@Paul_Ollinger

Facebook
@CrazyMoneyPodcast

The 5 Things That Make Life Better podcast is recorded and produced at The Field in NYC. My team is Shpresa Oruci, Michael Porte, Sam Haft and Boco Haft.The Field in NYC

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Lisa's Blog'n'Pod

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Ep. 134 - Frank Figliuzzi - The Secret Code of the FBI

APB: Looking for this charm bracelet or any parts thereof. Last seen on East End Avenue and 80th Street on the 12th floor on top of a bureau. Reward offered.

Frank Figliuzzi’s 5 (7) Things:

More About Frank Figliuzzi

Ep. 133 - Lisa Birnbach - It's a very good day!

Ep. 132 - Paul Ollinger - From Start-up to Stand-up

Paul Ollinger’s 5 Things:

More About Paul Ollinger:

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